The oldest trick in the book…

Memed. You heard me, Memed. Memed again. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been memed, so long in fact, that I thought I’d somehow developed immunity. But it’s cool, cus it’s Norm over at ‘Costant Change is the Norm...’ who did the meming, and it’s one of the oldest, most venerable memes on the web: 7 random facts.

Here are the rules, such as they are: Players start with 7 random facts about themselves. Those who are tagged should post these rules and then post 7 random facts. Players should tag 7 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

(By the way: Norm only tagged two people, which I think is thoughtful, because memes spread kind of like viruses around the blogosphere, and it’s clear that he was using something of a quarantine tactic to prevent wide-spread panic and mayhem. I will not be so thoughtful, as widespread panic and mayhem rather appeal to me, as long as they aren’t a result of republican scheming.)

MY SEVEN RANDOM FACTS (pay attention, there will be a quiz)

1)  I do not care very much for shoe shopping. This is foremost in my mind, because yesterday, I did, I did indeed, I did indeed shoe-shop. The occasion: my cousin’s wedding, which is a week hence, and to which I’ve been invited. They did not explicitly state a dress code, but I gleaned through my fantabulous deductive reasoning skills that they would prefer people to wear clothes, and shoes, if at all possible. I guess I could have used this as another fact, but planning ahead isn’t my forte. Doh, there’s another one.

2)  I hate parrots.

3)  Hate is kind of a strong word, but when I hate something, I really hate it. I strongly, strongly dislike soap operas, c.d. wrappers, the 2nd to the left teller at Bank of America, and the way my crisper smells ever since Sierra dumped apple juice in there, and forgot to tell me. (Did you know apple-y stuff can create an absolutely horrid smell if it is allowed to grow old enough to smell that way?)  But I hate parrots. And I stand by that. I’m also none too fond of ring worm or explosive diarrhea. Just sayin’.

4)  I have never been married. Ever. But I’ve been engaged quite a lot. Four times, in fact. Twice was to the same person. In all honesty, I’m very happy about not marrying any of the people that I didn’t marry.

5)  My cat is sleeping on my bed. It is my cat, not the other cat which is not mine, but doesn’t make the distinction. This is a boring fact, but it is true, and it’s also true that the cat is sleeping there after being kicked out 4 times. How is that possible? Well, here’s the part I really wanted to tell you: Because my cat can open doors.

6)  I was born at… well, you don’t care about that. But here’s the fact: The building in which I was delivered is no longer used for the same purpose it was back in 1977. The building in which I first caterwauled my dismay to the big, bright world is now a mental health ward.

7)  When I was a baby- old enough to crawl, but not yet walking, my parents had some sort of party. That may be the most outrageous part of this story. What little I remember of the marriage of my biological parents is not conducive with loud, crowded parties. However, they had a party, and I was crawling around, and people were going in and out, and I was crawling around, and when someone opened the door I happened to curl my hand around the door frame, which no one noticed, and when the door shut, the heavy metal guard on the edge of the door sliced the end of my right, pointer finger off. People then noticed I was there, as I became rather loud and overwrought. I would love to know whose idea it was to find the tip of my finger, but apparently a whole gaggle of grownups spent the next 15 minutes on their hands and knees, searching for my finger-bit, while my mom tried to wrap me up and get me ready to go to the hospital. I’ll continue this story on #7.5.

7.5) They arrived at the hospital sans finger-bit. It was decided that since I was very upset about having a missing part, that the best course of action would be to take some more of me from my hip region, and stick it on the end of my finger. But first, I had to be calmed. The doctor gave me some sort of shot that was meant to sedate, but it had an opposite reaction, and according to my mom, some of the nurses were worried I would actually howl myself to death. Frankly, I think it was a reasonable response. If you have lost a nice bit of finger, and then had people decide that they’d also like to remove a nice bit of your hip, and if they then come at you and stick sharp objects in your person, I think howling is the very least of the responses you’ll be issuing.

Eventually they gassed me unconscious and went forward with the brilliant idea. The tip of my finger never fully healed, but I wasn’t aware it was abnormal till about the age of six. I thought everyone had a finger like that. The two inch train-track shaped scar on my hip, however, I’ve largely ignored. So my 7th fact?

I do not now, nor have I ever responded well to medication. So I pretty much only take it if I think I’m gonna die otherwise.


And that concludes my 7.5 random facts. I tag:

mercury, Jaynova, anhinga, ybonesy, Corina, Ombudsben & Bo. Also aefiel. Because you have invoked the inner muppet. Have fun!

Since naked rollerblading got canceled…

How ’bout Saturday= Books & Music Day?

Okay! That’s just as fun, surely!

Here’s the background ambiance if you wish. I compiled an album of some songs by women. This was a great year for female artists; there were even good songs that hit the mainstream (will wonders never cease).

[splashcast BLWB1513DZ]

Jaynova did this nifty book meme that he found on Bibliomom’s site, and then he tagged me (cus I asked him to). (Thanks!)

One book that changed my life:

Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver.

I recognized myself in Codi, and that book inspired me to take the next step, and the next step and the next, when I was ready to just curl up in a ball and give up.

One book I’ve read more than once:

I’ve read a lot of books a lot of times. What comes to mind is the Ann of Green Gables series. From the time I was eleven years old till now I’ve probably read every book in that series 14 or 15 times, except ‘Ann of Windy Poplars‘. I don’t like that one, so I only read it twice.

One book that made me laugh:

I could say any David Sedaris book, but what leaps to mind right now is Christopher Moore’s ‘Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove.’

There’s a whole section near the middle with Molly and a couple of Christian fundamentalist petitioners that is pure comedic beauty.

One book that made me cry

I don’t cry when I’m reading books. If something upsets me terribly in a book, I get mad at the author. Sometimes I throw the book, or put it deliberately next to stinky bunny, the mauled and odiferous ex-dog-toy in the back of the closet that Sierra won’t let me throw away.

This is rather consistent with real life. It’s extremely rare that I’ll get angry for anger’s sake, but when someone hurts me I become hostile and lash out.

One book that I wish I had written:

The Lovely Bones‘ by Alice Sebold. I often wonder how she was able to write that book. It could have so easily been macabre or horrifying or killingly sentimental. The balance and the enormity of the talent needed to pull that book off is something I can only stand in awe of.

One book that I wish had never been written:

I’m going to amend this a little. I said earlier that I sometimes get mad at the author… One book that pissed me off terribly was ‘Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas‘ by Tom Robbins. That probably sounds odd, but I didn’t want to like the characters or get sucked into the story at the beginning, but I did. I got really, really interested. I was really, really wondering wtf was going to happen to those wacky weirdos, and then the book ended.

No sequel. Done. Just when it was getting interesting.


I have written e-mails. I have railed. I have demanded. I have even attempted to bribe. It seems that Mr. Robbins either can not or will not tell the story that he got me so interested in.

The bitch.

Books that I’m currently reading:

The World Without Us‘ by Alan Weisman

The Magician’s Assistant‘ by Ann Patchett

Rowdy in Paris‘ by Tim Sandlin

and ‘Ordinary Wolves‘ (again) by Seth Kantner

Books that I’m meaning to read:

The Kite Runner‘ by Khaled Hosseini

& Winter’s Tale by Mark Helprin

5 books I’d highly recommend:

OWL by William Service

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

A River Runs Through It by Norman Maclean

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Dress your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

Cole’s Ball-buster Meme

The balls in this scenario are purely metaphorical, mind you. I recently announced that I would not, could not meme anymore. I set a standard, you know; a stricture to live by. However, – it is important to fail of one’s minor goals so that one has enough energy to devote to larger pursuits.

Well, that’s my story, anyway. TIV tagged me for this, and while it’s true that this meme has a chain-letter feel to it, and I’m basically superstitious, it’s also true that TIV is a new blog read, and I want to be gracious and good sportish so she doesn’t think I’m an uppity what-to. So here is the ‘last hurrah’ blog meme. (I mean it this time. Honest.)

Like the chain letters of yore, the instructions here are to remove the top blog from the list, send that blog 65,000 foreign spam letters (or just say hello) and then add your name to the bottom of the list.

Therefore: Remove the blog in the top spot from the list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. Vaguetarian Tea Room- (
2. drawing on the walls- (
3. temporal millionaire- (
4. Blahblahblah- (
5. TIV- (
6. Stop and Wander- (

Next, select five people to tag: Hello, hard part. Hm. I wonder what this ‘Next’ button can do?

1. My Blog. My Space. My Place.

2. In the Charamon Garden

3. Me. Myself & Jonna

4. Imperfect Angel

5. Funky Corners

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. crunchy cheetos
2. red grapes
3. triscuits and salmon dip
4. pink juice
5. frozen blueberries

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

Look After You- The Fray
Fly Me to the Moon- Frank Sinatra
Hook- Blues Traveler
Why, Georgia, Why- John Mayer
Wichita Skyline- Shawn Colvin

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Set aside a big chunk for Sierra’s college
Pay off anything left on parent’s house/car payments,
and send my grandparents on a tour of Europe
Travel. Everywhere.
Squander cash in a grandiose fashion

Five bad habits:

1. Procrastination.
2. Avoidance.
3. P.M.S. chocolate hording
4. Occasional disconnection from all relationships.
5. Poor Time Management Skills.

Five things you like doing:

1. Sleeping
2. Chocolate Hording.
3. Reading in the bathtub.
4. Talking to my hottie.
5. Writing

Five things you would never wear again:

1. That new blouse that an ex said made me look like a cheap waitress.

2. Those shoes that smelled like a donkey’s ass when they got wet.

3. My Easter Bunny fugly nighty

4. That M&M sweatshirt that turned out to be the specific shade of green that show’s people what I will look like as a corpse.

5. Leg warmers.

Five favorite toys:

1. iPod
2. iTunes
3. iMac
4. iCar
5. iHottie

Now I’m going to talk about poetry, per TIV’s request. Except…. how Serendipitous! I already did! Talk about it, that is…

I wrote this article some time ago which specifically wrangles the topic, ‘Tips for Writing Poetry‘. I think I did a bang-up job. If I could apply my own advice, it would be even better.