The Toblerone Factor

Posted on April 30, 2009 by amuirin under Food, relationships, Thoughts, Time

Here it is, 6:30 am, and I already suspect today maybe isn’t the sort of day to get up early for. Nonetheless here I am, in good faith, wearing a quilt toga-style and preparing to ruminate on guilt and disappointment, as they may be applied to the world of Swiss Chocolates.

Do you remember the first time you tried a Toblerone? To be honest with you, I don’t. My dad liked to partake of things he felt were finer than the main-stream offerings, so we would have the occasional Toblerone with a movie, instead of like say, a Hershey bar, or coconut oil soaked popcorn.

I don’t remember the first taste, but I remember they were good. Really good; I mean really, really good. These things are shaped like an elongated pyramid, too, which makes them seem good to the third power. How come more candy manufacturers don’t apply shapes to their offering?

tobler

Shapes make it more fun.

And on the front of a Toblerone is a line of copy which speaks to the goodness in all men’s hearts:

S W I S S . M I L K . C H O C O L A T E . W I T H . H O N E Y . A N D . A L M O N D . N O U G A T

If you soak in those words for a minute, the subliminal message floats to the surface: This sturdy cardboard triangle is the cherished land of milk and honey.

And you’ve found it. No! It’s found you. It came all the way from Switzerland just to make your day.

How cool is that?

Well, it’s very cool, except-

while I don’t remember my first Toblerone, I remember yesterday’s Toblerone, and I’m pretty darn sure that it wasn’t as good as it was supposed to be.

There, I said it.

I was actually disappointed. I was so ready to feel that chocolate melt againt my tongue, and sink into the river of yummy goodness, that it took awhile to figure out I was kind of… surreptitiously…bummed. I was trying to make the most of it, but even that effort made me feel a little guilty.

I almost felt I was being unfaithful toward my early experience of Toblerone, as I became increasingly aware that my Toblerone just wasn’t turning me on.

It wasn’t bad or anything. It just wasn’t great.

Aren’t they usually great? Surely that was what fostered my love of Toblerone to begin with, the great tastiness? Not just the shape, and the message, and the prettiness; the powerful impression that this candy bar is the true-blue whole package.

I don’t really trust my own perceptions enough to know for sure. Was it always not so great? Was I simply lured in by the awesome potential? Or do my memories of its greatness have validity, and has the Toblerone gone tragically downhill?

Which is it?

I confess, my first instinct was to blame Lindt Chocolate. Now there’s a Swiss company who obviously hasn’t capitulated to the sneaky practice of upping the wax-content in candy. Toblerone likely suffers in comparison because those Lindor truffles are so damn good. And those saucy little wrappers! Who could stand up next to that shameless, silky chocalatiness? The texture: The texture alone of a Lindt truffle is melt-your-face good. It’s actually pretty suspect, in all honesty. Lindt must employ some unfair, voo-doo practices in order to enchant me the way that their truffles do.

I feel compelled to stick by the old triangles from a sense of loyalty. I will make myself enjoy the gosh darn Toblerone, if need be.

It’s a little freaky though- the sliding scale of memory/impression, and that whole self-doubt, loyalty thing that kicks in when an old faithful suddenly doesn’t seem to measure up. Personal attachment can be so very fickle.

Maybe I have been a little miserly to my dear, sweet Toblerone.

Maybe if I just ride this out patiently, he will taste good again to me, tomorrow.

Peep Slaying

Posted on April 15, 2009 by amuirin under Food, Life, pictures

A bright yellow box of freakishly cute peeps.

A first and last look at the wide world.

Can you drown a peep?

Not really.

This little peep met a utility truck...

Poor Peep!!!

Handsome peep comes to comfort squashed peep.

Uh oh. The seagulls like the look of handsome peep.

One of them snatches up handsome and runs!

He attempts to eat it.

He attempts harder to eat it.

He really, really tries to consume the darn thing.

After awhile, he takes a little rest.

Finally, he swoops off with the still intact peep prize.

Peep 3 decides it is her turn to commune with angels.

In the iron belly of a seraphim.

Peep 3 goes on to prove that you can staple marshmallows.

She goes on to prove that you can, in fact staple marshmallows.

Peep 4 is the 'Hellraiser' of the brood.

He attempts to fly coop; gets stuck in tree.

He hits on a couple of old birds.

And then he went down in a blaze of glory.

And then he goes down in a blaze of glory.

Final peep was so cute, I almost lost my nerve.

I talked him down from the toaster...

But he would not be swayed from the microwave.

fiftyfive

If you have small children with you, or a medical condition, please avert your eyes.

* * *

The horror, the horror!

No more peeps till next year!

Be the Bean

Posted on April 13, 2009 by amuirin under people, personality, weebles

In honor of the holiday, and in respect to having no clue as to the religious/spiritual/or zombie-alien beliefs you each might adhere to, I’m awarding (assigning) each weeble their own gourmet jelly belly flavor which will express something not very meaningful or even necessarily accurate about who you are as a person.

Flavors are non-transferable, and you don’t hafta like yours, but you should pretend. You can trade with other weebles, I guess, but only very, very quietly.

52895 1poet- buttered popcorn