what doesn’t kill you…

For once I’m not threatening you with desire. It’s something more sacred than that, but also the need to ease my legs out of trousers and walk across the deep, cold desert on my own.

But it is also revenge. Anger like a hard kernel in the fist of my heart. You’ve sculpted my eyes into new shapes, and they are thinner and less forgiving for you.

The words pour out careless, and everything I used to love gets trapped in a vase, gets shipped to the four corners, gets kicked repeatedly until the energy burns out.

But not the ice.

Maybe I’ll forgive me now. Other people’s tolls: Things they took away, loom so big in the sky, but there’s something left behind. Something harder, smaller.

The arc of the pubic bone,

the screech of rest

the air of festivity when you’re free-falling

but can still pick the destination, within a couple leagues, where

you’ll break the earth with these knees, these trusting knuckles. But I’ll tell you something-

something essential died here.

I’ll keep walking.

3 thoughts on “what doesn’t kill you…

  1. A very powerful and gritty post…

    forgive yourself first. First. You’re most important to you. Then, move on, and try to forgive others. Don’t forget. But the anger hurts you more than anyone else.

    I loved this post. So powerful.

  2. J- Thank you. It’s so nice to see you!

    I don’t know half of what I’m writing on here these days, it seems to vent emotions that need vent but,
    I’m almost a little shy that it’ll be taken too literal.

    I really appreciate your comment, though. I think you’re right.

    mad- I do. Trust you. It’s way too pretty out there not to omen an upswing.

    I hope your May goes a-ok.

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