Lukewarmly, yours

Don’t like to go too long w/out putting something down here, but the topics aren’t exactly raining down like manna. Worse, I started twice and bullshitted for three paragraphs on topics I was totally apathetic about. Not necessarily attractive to recognize you can yammer on endlessly without point or inspiration. Who was that dude in Hamlet? The boorish uncle…

Deleted musings: Shall I cut  my hair? It’s long. I like it. I hate it.

Do you ever think about how much of life centers around things that have no weight or substance in ‘the real world’? We live in realms seen and unseen, sure, but the unseens- the conceptual stuff is really dominant: Love, death, our idea of what others think of us, ambitions, dreams, memories.

The mind is almost a speck  in a web of perception; we are creatures of flesh pinned between concepts, grasping for meaning in a world comprised of baffling idiosyncrasies: A pebble in your hand is also an idea. It’s a marker of a moment that’s fleeting and finite, a beginning and an end wrapped around something concrete. Let it drop to the ground: Did it happen? Did you see it, or the retina’s reproduction of a shape and color- not even the color of the stone, but the color reflected by the stone, which means the stone is every other color except the bend of light you saw refracted.

The world’s not that different from a dream. We are composed primarily of spaces,- spaces to be filled with light, or nightmares.

4 thoughts on “Lukewarmly, yours

  1. It’s 6:50 AM here in Utah. I’m sitting on a cot in a tent that is neither hot for very long or cold for an equal amount of time. Scratch that… It’s neither blistering, make you parched, roasting, nor freezing, make your toes hurt cold, below 20 here due to the crappy tent heater that stays on to long and dosnt come on long enough……see I can ramble a bit too. It’s not just you my friend.

    I do have the same worries about hair. Should I shave my head today or can I get by a day or more without looking like one of my uncles. At least its not long enough for a comb over like grandpa.

    Dreams and nightmares have always fascinated me. Dreams seem to me to be reflections of our hopes and desires. Then thrill of love. The need to be free and fly. While nightmares are based on our worries and fears. Am I raising my children well, am I doing well at work, does my life mean anything….

    In high-school I read up on Lucid dreaming and that saying a mantra and envisioning a sign while you slept could help you realize you were in fact asleep. Mine was a billboard with “are you awake” on it. I learned to realize when I was dreaming and this led to some fun dreams and nightmares where my consciousness could interact with my sub conscious. Freddy Kruger had nothing on me. This also led into lot of wet dreams and some messy underwear but that’s a different post all together.

    The horrible thing is since my concussion in 95 I have lost that connection between the dreaming and waking realms. I don’t remember any dreams nightmares that I do have.

    Instructors are here and we are not supposed to have phones in the field…gotta run..

  2. Even when you’re lukewarm, I love the way you put words together.

    My nightscape has been filled with horrors, too (when I can sleep deeply enough to dream — sleep has been an elusive creature lately). M said he’s been having nightmares as well. I don’t know what’s up with that. I just wish it would stop.

    I’ve spent hours the week contemplating shaving my head which is a sure sign that it has been a week of bad hair days.

    Apropos of nothing (yet your post made me think of it): Have you read the book “Weight: The Myth of Atlas and Heracles” by Jeanette Winterson? I just started reading it and I thought of you. I think you might like it.

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