It’s been awhile, huh. Lately, I tweet instead of blog, and today I didn’t do that. Today I didn’t do a lot of things I meant to do, like spend time checking out fellow nanowrimo buddies’ progress, or, I d’no, start writing my own book.
Halloween was eventful. Eventful good for much of the night, eventful bad in the pre-dawn hours, when those strange, strangled vocalizations I kept hearing from my bedroom turned out to be our mangled kitty who had dragged herself God knows how far to lie under my window. I’d tell the whole story, but I’m tired in such a way that I’m typing this with my eyes closed. The part that left me exhausted wasn’t my upset- I had a wary relationship with this pet at best, though her final hours were very distressing. It was my daughter’s overwhelming and relentless grief throughout the day that really did me in.
If a badass biker gang had hung out in our world today, there wouldn’t be a dry eye on any of them. Sierra, who is not maybe the most willing communicator, typically, revealed a startling talent for clarity and expression that really bowled me over. I thought she would cry and be sad, but I also sort of expected the reticence to discuss in too much depth the death- that’s the ‘m.o.’ she usually displays.
But Gracie meant a lot more to her than to me. Gracie was her friend, and her helplessness, the way she fought to try and come to terms with not having her kitty when she just wanted her there one more time,
Kill me now, I can’t send this little girl into the big bad world of cruelty and crushing losses. Then again, strike that, cus I also couldn’t impose on her another loss, and it’s just all very confusing and life-like and horrible and strange.
The world is too ugly for children. And I’m the big wimp who will say so.