Throwing one down here

It’s been awhile, huh. Lately, I tweet instead of blog, and today I didn’t do that. Today I didn’t do a lot of things I meant to do, like spend time checking out fellow nanowrimo buddies’ progress, or, I d’no, start writing my own book.

Halloween was eventful. Eventful good for much of the night, eventful bad in the pre-dawn hours, when those strange, strangled vocalizations I kept hearing from my bedroom turned out to be our mangled kitty who had dragged herself God knows how far to lie under my window. I’d tell the whole story, but I’m tired in such a way that I’m typing this with my eyes closed.  The part that left me exhausted wasn’t my upset- I had a wary relationship with this pet at best, though her final hours were very distressing. It was my daughter’s overwhelming and relentless grief throughout the day that really did me in.

If a badass biker gang had hung out in our world today, there wouldn’t be a dry eye on any of  them. Sierra, who is not maybe the most willing communicator, typically, revealed a startling talent for clarity and expression that really bowled me over. I thought she would cry and be sad, but I also sort of expected the reticence to discuss in too much depth the death- that’s the ‘m.o.’ she usually displays.

But Gracie meant a lot more to her than to me. Gracie was her friend, and her helplessness, the way she fought to try and come to terms with not having her kitty when she just wanted her there one more time,

Jesus.

Kill me now, I can’t send this little girl into the big bad world of cruelty and crushing losses. Then again, strike that, cus I also couldn’t impose on her another loss, and it’s just all very confusing and life-like and horrible and strange.

The world is too ugly for children. And I’m the big wimp who will say so.

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7 thoughts on “Throwing one down here

  1. The loss of a beloved pet is hard enough on adults. Doubly so, it seems to me, on children.

    Thank goodness the world isn’t all ugliness. Hugs to you and Sierra.

  2. I may not believe in the Big Guy in the Sky, but I do believe things happen for a reason. Sometimes the reason is impossible to fathom. Sometimes the reason is merely to get us from Point A to Point B. Hopefully, Point B is a better place than Point A. Casting good ripples to you and Sierra.

  3. Although she’s too young to be preparing for the tough times in adult life, I do know that throughout our lives, we experience small tragedies which are actually preparing us for the larger tragedies in life. Tough lesson. But a true one.

    May Sierra get through this one and become all the stronger for it. Huggies to you both!

  4. I can’t help but think that pets’ deaths are baby steps in teaching children about life. It hurts so bad for them–and you. And me? I morn every kitty’s loss. I’m so sorry.

  5. I’m an animal person…I like animals. Sometimes more than people. My first pet was a hamster. He would somehow get out of his cage at night. Probably my fault because when I was home I always had him in a breast pocket. I wore shirts with Pockets just for that reason. If I was sitting on the couch he would crawl out and curl up on my shoulder and against my neck. He would make little hamster sounds twitch his whiskers against my ear. Anyways like I was saying he would get out at night, get from his cage to my bed and sleep against my neck. One night he must have went roaming because when I woke up one morning i felt a lump in the small of my back….Yep I must have rolled over and smothered him after he crawled under the covers. I was in JR high so I was a little older than Sierra. But it was still difficult. Not only did I suffer the loss of a pet but I had been the one to kill it.

    My next pet was a cocker spaniel puppy that I got later that year. My sister got a cat at the same time. Her name was penny and three months later she ran out into the middle of the street and was hit by a car. She had to be put down. Normally the street we lived on was very calm and no one drove very fast due to all the kids living on it. But the person who hit Penny was speeding and didn’t even stop. My sister didn’t take care of her cat very so I’m the one who ended up feeding it most the time. She would also sleep in my bed and curl up at my neck but was smart enough or to big to rollover on. She hung around for a long time. In fact I was out of the house and in the military when she finally died of old age.

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