A few words on Vegetarian Dog Food

Sometimes, I think I’m pretty funny. Others don’t necessarily share that opinion, alas. Case in point, I used to write articles for an online site who paid very poorly. Since the pay was so ridiculous, and the format so open, I didn’t always take the proposed topics very seriously. Due to their new nazi profit sharing tactics, it has become somewhat worthwhile to revise the articles that were not particularly well received so that my portfolio makes a little money without me doing anything.

Before I erased it for all time, I wanted to share what I feel is a very helpful article on How to make Vegetarian Dog Food. (I may also share my valuable insights in a later post on ‘How to Date Your Older Home’… very interesting information, that. Stay tuned.)

How to Make Vegetarian Dog Food

1) When you set out to make vegetarian dog food, it is important to start with a vegetarian dog. If budget allows, several vegetarian dogs are ideal, in case your cooking makes one or two of the dogs fatally ill. If you can’t afford several vegetarian dogs, one vegetarian dog and a few vegetarian guinea pigs will probably work just fine.

People sometimes ask “How do I know if my dog is a vegetarian?” That’s a fairly dumb question: A vegetarian dog will not eat meat. Be careful when you get your vegetarian dog that you don’t accidentally get a vegan, because feeding a vegan is a pain in the tookus.

2) K, you have your vegetarian dog(s), now you need your ingredients. You might be thinking that vegetarian dog food consists primarily of vegetables, but vegetables are only one component. Grains, beans, cookies, these are all fair game when you go shopping. There are two main rules to follow when buying ingredients for vegetarian dog-food. First: The ingredients must be vegetarian, which means no meat. Secondly: Your ingredients should not be poisonous to your dog. Outside of those parameters, you might as well try anything. You’re the chef, the entrepreneur, the culinary mastermind. And hey, if you can find some vegetarian dog food while you’re shopping for ingredients, that will save you a lot of work.

Here’s an incomplete list of ingredients to avoid because they might be dog poison.

chocolate
onion powder
citrus fruit
rat poison
Preparation H
rhubarb
raisins
draino
acne medication

3) So you have your vegetarian dog(s), you have your non-poisonous vegetarian ingredients- now it’s time to make the food. Depending upon your ingredients, you will likely have to chop, puree, and boil stuff together. Make sure there are no large chunks of any ingredient that your vegetarian dog or guinea pig might choke on. Write down the ingredients in each concoction so you won’t forget. Avoid seasoning with a tremendous amount of ketchup or salt, as large quantities of these are unhealthful to canines. Navigate by smell. A hungry dog isn’t all that finicky, so if you’re not gagging they might go for it.

4) Let your dog perform the taste test. You might be really curious, but ideally you won’t be the one eating your vegetarian dog-food, the dog will.

5) Monitor your dog for digestive upheaval for 48 hours- kind of like a quarantine. If he lives, document the taste-test winner. Put it in your recipe box. Congratulations! You’re a canine Betty Crocker!

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9 thoughts on “A few words on Vegetarian Dog Food

  1. I love your twisted mind.

    Catering to my vegan daughter was a giant pain in the tookus. Happily she found the man of her dreams who happens to be a chef.

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