Tonight is the Same Night I Always Have

My mind turns in a slow wheel. I can’t turn it off.
These are thoughts I have been having, and yes
they take new twists and turns, always wheeling out slow.
But I am the same.

It doesn’t change, I can’t change my mind
or resolve what needs resolving to
be a different place in my head, so

I can’t be someone different who might
be living a fantastic life
tucked into another one’s arms,
greeting the day, a day filled with such
fantastic things.

I have adventures in the closed curtain room
and they all revolve around a love,
a love I’m no good at having.

*********************

The same frustration, too
when I look through the things I’ve written
here and other places
it is all so… emotional
there is a resolution in so many posts
that sings a lie
I keep repeating.

I love but I can’t connect the dots,
No,
I am the endless drone
of a soft rain.

And why?
Why is it always the same?
why does it come down
to this circle of starvation,
a night without stars?

Blink then, and go out
but it keeps moving, the slow wheel
a pinpoint of awareness in a hard dark
that swallows up the world.

 

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6 thoughts on “Tonight is the Same Night I Always Have

  1. Busted!!! I recall you saying some time ago that you wouldn’t be doing any more poetry. I am quite sure I am not imagining that. All I can say is, yay!, it’s good to see one creep through. Keep them coming.

  2. I for one am pretty glad you are you and not some one else, although I wish you a fantastic life. Just be careful what you wish for. You resolve what can be resolved and fuck the rest.

  3. A wonderful creative piece but as per usual I’m taking what is written here too literally.

    From my experience change is so incrimental that I’m normally the last one to know they’ve happened – to me. My problem is that I’m always present…. and don’t see the progress from ‘a’, way over to ‘h’ and on the way to ‘x’.

  4. mama said that there’d be days like this
    there’d be days like this my mama said

    mama said that there’d be days like this
    there’d be days like this my mama said

  5. Brad- Heh, if you could call this a poem. Everytime I write a poemly thing I’m pretty freakin’ embarrassed about it, so thanks for the encouragement.

    mad- Yeah. Yeah… but it’s easier said than done, no? To let go of the rest of it.

    Norm- I know. You’re right. The person undergoing the changes is often the last to realize, and if I looked at stuff a year ago and now, it’d probably be astonishing. This is just sort of a momentary snapshot of what was felt…. and that feeling does repeat itself a lot.

    Rick- *puts on dancing shoes*

    Robin- Thank you.

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