Toward a more boring internet experience

It’s been a long time since I posted recent search terms that lead people to my blog. The main reason for that is the recent ones haven’t exactly been knocking it out of the park. I think the internet is getting more streamlined thanks to advances in search logarithms, and a sort of weird media mentality that guides searches now, in which if it gets a lot of hits, search bots assume that’s what you most likely want, so you get fewer results of the ‘road less traveled’ category. (My God, that was a long sentence.)

I guess this streamlining had to happen with all the personal blogs and miniscule crap expanding exponentially on the net, but it sucks a tad-bit, too. Now it’s kinda like the book industry- you’re less likely to come across a lesser known jewel, cus the whole system is being engineered toward what’s already popular.

(I’m gleaning this hypothesis from some very spotty techie gleeps and blogs, and also from how the writing sites that sometimes employ me are now making authors use key search term language and u.r.l links to ensure insta-hitcounts; but I think I have it right.)

Anyway, this week there are finally a few intriguing phrases. I’ll slap them down here. Some of them would be awesome in picture form.



graphic dandelion 1
furbies, vanity fair 1
funny penis doll 1
smorridge 1
muscley feet and toes 1
i am a tiger my husband is an ox baby 1
toblerone chili 1
hobo spider hitchhiking 1
what would chewy do 1
“winston churchill’s penis” 1
stop spiders in bedroom 1

11 thoughts on “Toward a more boring internet experience

  1. Smorridge sounds like something you’d feed us if we weebles came to your tree house.

    I am an ox baby; my husband a boar. (No, really, I think he might be.)

  2. Seiously weird! hehe

    I’ve always thought about doing a post on search engine terms, but I’ve never done it. I’ll have to start collecting…though none of mine are quite that far out! :)

  3. You know, I don’t think my searches are as weird lately either. Need to check that out. Something is going on. We know the weird fact seekers are still out there. :-)

  4. I’ve been getting a lot of search hits for Bansky, the graffiti artist. Well, not a lot, but still. Did that dude spray-paint love poetry or something because that’s what the majority of searches are for.

  5. I think the Toblerone chili may be my fault for mentioning chocolate and chili.

    And I’ve wondered what would chewy do…?

    Some of my more interesting ones of late are pretty much the same as they ever were:

    ice cream truck phobia <– I can't figure that one out.
    exploding soda cans
    how to hang laundry like the amish
    chinatowns flushing <– Wondering what they did before they flushed.
    party by the pond <– I've addressed this but think someone still thinks we had the party and didn't invite them.
    nettles for legs
    philadelphia grease cart

  6. ybonesy- Ha! I love that. I’m going to create smorridge now, so I can feed it if ever you weebles should arrive. I love the way you depict that. You’re an ox baby?!?

    That just doesn’t quite seem to fit, not that I know the Chinese horoscope that well.

    ckbasi- Way back in the beginning, I wrote a couple posts specifically to provoke weird search terms. There was a post about G-strings, and shark babies, and other things I’m a bit ashamed to mention now. I can say with no reservations, however, that it worked!!!

    anhinga- We’ll just have to write weirder!

    david- Ya know, it might just be good…

    mad- well, if he didn’t he should, there’s clearly a following for such an effort. Maybe we should write him.

    Robin- lol, those are pretty good. The amish one caught my attention… do they hang laundry different than other people? And did you ever figure you’d be the delegated expert on such a subject?

  7. The Amish have a neat rope and pulley system for hanging their laundry. Lehman’s, a hardware store not far from us, carries this:

    Which will give you some idea of what it looks like. The line is usually run from the house to the barn, starting low (not so low the laundry hits the ground but low enough to be reachable for the average woman) at the house end and high on the barn end so the laundry is hung at a diagonal. I’ll see if I can find a decent photo and post it for you.

    Lehman’s, by the way, is an amazing place to shop. They carry all sorts of non-electric appliances and stuff for the Amish.

  8. Sad to see the internet is becomes a boring place for you. Me, I’ve always enjoyed your search engine lists.

    And re: Robin’s comment. I’ve seen those Amish clotheslines. they may look spiffy, but give me household appliances that do the job. I hung enough laundry outside before the age of 12 to last three lifetimes, and no, I do not appreciate the smell of fresh laundry waving in the breeze. (Thank you, grandma and great-grandma.)

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