I’ve been remarkably unresponsive in bloggy-world lately. That seems to be the case a lot more of the time this year than last year. Maybe it’s a bio-rhythm thing. That must be it!
But, since I tend to throw stuff down here a couple times a week, even if I don’t make the rounds, it’s kind of a selfish exercise, y’know? People show up and make a good faith effort to interact and I’m all Emily Dickensoning off in the corner.
I should probably end this vicious cycle of energy-receivership , and fold up shop. Close blog. End Yammer-fest.
Yeah, maybe, but I’m not gonna.
As If! What would I do without a place to leave cryptic brain droppings (< stole that from George Carlin), and twist wordsy bits up for the pure pleasure of talking just to talk?
I do though, feel a little guilty for these blog-hermit stints. It’s weird, y’know? Go out, find people you like. Build a connection. Visit. Start a precedent. Create a *new* little virtual world so you can drop out of it with no word or warning every now and again, just like you do the real one.
That’s one big ol’ effort to recreate personal weirdness in paragraph form, when it comes right down to it.
I’m not writing this as an excuse, cus I read once that at the point when your blog becomes a place to go write excuses about why you don’t blog, that’s a good time to quit and take up bowling.
I will say, there seems to be a certain amount of emotional energy here to allot each day, and sometimes the structure of my life doesn’t use it all up, and I really like blogging and learning about other people, and interacting in this kinda… low-octane way when that’s the case.
But other times, like, when I find myself in love with two people at once, or I’ve got therapy stuff that prompts intense efforts in familiar but frustrating parts of my world, I donno. Some people have boundless energy emotionally, physically or mentally. I think I’m mental.
Oops, that was a freudian slip. I mean, I think I can think and think and think without getting tired out, but that’s not really true with the emotional stuff. There’s a certain amount available, and when it’s spent up I need to retreat to my little nest and be alone.
Do you have that experience, or is it totally different? Kinda weird that even a symbolic universe like this, where there’s no actual physical contact… that symbolism is powerful enough that your brain reacts to things in the same way.
Like… There’s a couple people on my blog list that I feel comfortable with even in retreat mode. For some reason our interaction doesn’t require effort, they’re more like the friends you can be totally fugly around and not stress about it.
And there’s some people that I especially miss in retreat mode, and hope they aren’t offended if I don’t stop in for a week or so.
And there’s people that, even when things are even keel, I wish I’d make a habit out of spending more time with, reading more and thinking over more, cus I always feel I’m glossing over their words, and I bet I’d really enjoy my time there if I expended more energy.
As for the rest… s’all good.
You probly didn’t need to know all that, but it’s the guilt talking. So you know, I fully intend to be more *present* and reciprocal.
….One of these days.