Yammer Time

I’ve been remarkably unresponsive in bloggy-world lately. That seems to be the case a lot more of the time this year than last year. Maybe it’s a bio-rhythm thing. That must be it!

But, since I tend to throw stuff down here a couple times a week, even if I don’t make the rounds, it’s kind of a selfish exercise, y’know? People show up and make a good faith effort to interact and I’m all Emily Dickensoning off in the corner.

I should probably end this vicious cycle of energy-receivership , and fold up shop. Close blog. End Yammer-fest.

Yeah, maybe, but I’m not gonna.

As If! What would I do without a place to leave cryptic brain droppings (< stole that from George Carlin), and twist wordsy bits up for the pure pleasure of talking just to talk?

I do though, feel a little guilty for these blog-hermit stints. It’s weird, y’know? Go out, find people you like. Build a connection. Visit. Start a precedent. Create a *new* little virtual world so you can drop out of it with no word or warning every now and again, just like you do the real one.

That’s one big ol’ effort to recreate personal weirdness in paragraph form, when it comes right down to it.

I’m not writing this as an excuse, cus I read once that at the point when your blog becomes a place to go write excuses about why you don’t blog, that’s a good time to quit and take up bowling.

I will say, there seems to be a certain amount of emotional energy here to allot each day, and sometimes the structure of my life doesn’t use it all up, and I really like blogging and learning about other people, and interacting in this kinda… low-octane way when that’s the case.

But other times, like, when I find myself in love with two people at once, or I’ve got therapy stuff that prompts intense efforts in familiar but frustrating parts of my world, I donno. Some people have boundless energy emotionally, physically or mentally. I think I’m mental.

Oops, that was a freudian slip. I mean, I think I can think and think and think without getting tired out, but that’s not really true with the emotional stuff. There’s a certain amount available, and when it’s spent up I need to retreat to my little nest and be alone. 

Do you have that experience, or is it totally different? Kinda weird that even a symbolic universe like this, where there’s no actual physical contact… that symbolism is powerful enough that your brain reacts to things in the same way.

Like… There’s a couple people on my blog list that I feel comfortable with even in retreat mode. For some reason our interaction doesn’t require effort, they’re more like the friends you can be totally fugly around and not stress about it.

And there’s some people that I especially miss in retreat mode, and hope they aren’t offended if I don’t stop in for a week or so.

And there’s people that, even when things are even keel, I wish I’d make a habit out of spending more time with, reading more and thinking over more, cus I always feel I’m glossing over their words, and I bet I’d really enjoy my time there if I expended more energy.

As for the rest… s’all good.

You probly didn’t need to know all that, but it’s the guilt talking. So you know,  I fully intend to be more *present* and reciprocal.

 

….One of these days.

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12 thoughts on “Yammer Time

  1. “Oops, that was a freudian slip. I mean, I think I can think and think and think without getting tired out,” Baah, Admit it! Your a Spaz! Just like every one else. ;)

    When I loose that emotional energy I usually read, watch tv, listen to music, or poke around the nets for funny pron. But that’s me. That’s how I recharge. I’m multi-fueled.

    You my dear need to take the occasional breath and just pants the nearest person. Egg that neighbor lady that drives you crazy. Curl up with the cat and a book. Your a little pixie and sometimes you have to let that out too.

  2. Yes, I have that experience, in my way. I just went through a period of wanting to shut down my blogs. Both of them. It becomes exhausting at times. And there are other ways I could use my energy. More productive ways, I suspect.

    But I’d miss this little world that you created. You’ll have to take credit for it because you discovered me when I was hiding out over at BH and brought other people to visit, and most of the time I really enjoy the interaction. Sometimes I can’t or don’t feel like keeping up. I’ve decided not to feel guilty about it anymore.

    I’m glad you’ll still be here, whenever you feel like being here. And if you don’t feel like returning my visits, I’m cool with that. I’m not high maintenance so no reason to feel guilty when it comes to me. Just saying. So you don’t. Not that you do. Cos maybe you don’t.

  3. Yeh, sometimes I get caught up in that whole reciprocity- guilt-trip thing-y. But then there’s only some much psychic energy you can expend. And visiting and trying to think up witty comments to leave can take up a lot of time! And then, after all that, nobody leaves comments on your own shit and you feel all hurt.

    So I vow not to take any of it personally.

    I’m going to go have a cigarette now.

  4. Right now, I’m in that “I post a lot but don’t have time to read anyone else’s blog” mode. Soon, I’ll probably do more reading and responding than posting on my own, then I’ll vanish for a while…it’s how I roll.

    So I understand. ;P

  5. Robin said it best. We would miss this little world you have created — and you have created it. Most of us were just fingers on a keyboard before you joined our hands in this little circle of familiarity. We read posts and say, “Yeah, I know that feeling.” You knew we would when you knighted us Weebles. Some of us may have given up long ago if not for that. Don’t you ever go away.

    I have posted little since my husband died and I am grateful for the drive-by visits from so many of you when all you hear is, “Move on, nothing to see here.” Soon there will be. Matter of fact, I posted a small blog tonight. It’s a start.

  6. Blogging… very complex psychological effort, both creating and commenting, but ultimately worthy of both flips of the coin, no matter which side comes up. The one salient element element is that people return for a reason… because they enjoy it. In all cases, you’ve connected a synapse somewhere deep in our cranial structure that prevents us from ignoring it, and that singular fact dictates action on our part, usually predicated upon a response. Plus, we know that if you see that we’re responding, you’ll be too polite and merciful to let us dangle in the wind for too long.

    In the immortal words of Larry the Cable Guy, ‘git-er-done!’

  7. There’s something wrong with bowling?

    I’m in the same mode: Busy at work, with little time to read and comment. Maybe one day I’ll be wealthy and I can read blogs on the beach.

  8. I’m right there with you, missy. I was down and out with sciatica for about ten days, and believe me, I didn’t care one whit about my blog or anyone else’s.

    But blogging teaches a lot about impermanence. Everything is really about the moment. Here I am, in this moment. Checking in on you, commiserating about the challenges of consistency and worries about what will happen if I drop off the blogging map. Yet, next moment, here it is still.

    Or, something like that…

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