What if the creator of the original web-log really did mean for bloggers to post adorable cat pictures?
We’ve all experienced the aberration that is I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER. We’ve all tread too close for comfort near the murky depths of the cat blogging underground. Most of us have seen tell-tale signs of cat-blogging even in our nearest and dearest… the innocent great-aunt who forwards all those cutesy little e-mails. The seemingly solid head of household tiptoeing down to his basement in the dark hours of the night, his wife sneaking up behind him to discover his porn fetishes only to see… a tiny Abyssinian??? …driving a motorcyle??? “This is what you’ve been doing all these hours?”
Cat-blogging is indicative of something sinister; I think we’re all pretty clear on that. It’s hard not to give in, not to laugh, not to take a little peek at what’s making that retarded WordPress site so damn popular. Cat-bloggers are kind of like pod-people: They don’t even realize they are infecting other people with their brain-washing.
Now. Look down. Is your pinkie crooked?
There’s still a strong, vocal faction of the population who believe robots will ultimately rule the Earth. I am a representative of that sensible demographic, but the pervasive, insidious trend of cat-blogging does bear consideration.
The furballs are taking over.
Before you shrug me off, remember that Egyptians did worship the little bastards. They even went to the trouble of mummifying their mangy little kitty corpses. Were they on to something? How did a small, fuzzy creature who has to lick its own ass, how did such a thing come to dominate the information superhighway? It bears examining, folks.
Whatever the first bloggers meant blogging to be used for, I think all the tech-geeks, the news-vultures, the literaries and the esoteric elitists, I think we all have to band together and resist that siren Siamese call. “Miaou.”
Repeat these words to yourself each time you sit down to the computer. Make them your mantra; make them your battle-cry:
“I will not forward cutesy kitty e-mails. I will not post squashed face whisker-gits on my site, just for a hit-spike. I will not go gently into that dark night. The internet is for PORN not PETS. I will NOT become a CATBLOGGER!”
Good, good, thats the spirit. Now, here’s a little Rorschach test to make sure you aren’t too far gone already. What do you see in the ink-spot? Go ahead, you can tell me.
(This post was re-erected from the archives. I posted it first 1 year, 1 month, 1 week ago. Boy, time flies.)