when the sun shines

Love falls out of my hands, and into my lap.

I’m lucky. Lucky? I get in my car, and think if I could just drive:

To the tree. To the bridge, and out where the sun is making the horizon fail-safe.

If I could just be no-one I would be myself. Voices push and pull, and the sun on my hands on the steering wheel feels right.

It’s not another life, it’s the first one- getting stronger the more miles I get away from anything I’ve tried to become.

I devise a plan. Step by step, beginning tomorrow. Engineering a getaway like a smart girl.

Already there’s holes in the plan, though.

Someday I’ll get in the car and drive. Maybe. Someday. Maybe, when everything’s right and I’m taller. A little taller. When I have it all figured out.

Maybe, someday.

Maybe tomorrow.

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7 thoughts on “when the sun shines

  1. It helps to have your rear-view mirrors adjusted, so you know for sure you can go back where you were, if you have to … though the further you get, the less attractive that left-behind landscape seems. Don’t worry, though; it’s always there. Objects in mirror are indeed much closer than they appear.

  2. holes in the plan are what keep me from leaving. For months and months i’ve thought of just grabbing my guitar, a few days’ worth of clothes and a bag full of Funyuns and getting the hell out of here.

    [sigh…] but then my car takes me to my job.

  3. i ran away from home once. i think i was about 34, 35. i didn’t get far but i had a great adventure. it turned me around and sent me back. but i didn’t have a kid at home. when you have a kid at home you have to wait until they get taller before you can leave. or take them with you. i don’t know. signs say you’re hurtin’. some days it’s just one foot in front of the other.

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