Brief disclaimer: This is totally retarded.
We made M&M people. It was kind of fun. Here they are, and here’s what they’d say if they could talk. (Much more time than strictly necessary was spent on the creation of these characters. As it turns out, certain people who shall remain nameless would rather design candy people than put their time to some relevant use.)
Kevin ‘Kevbo’ Bungie
Vivi Comes to Town
Act 1, Scene -11:
Vivi arrives suddenly. She is odd looking and fairly scary, but in that Marilyn Manson kind of way that is also eerily cool. The other M&M’s whisper among themselves except for Nicky LeNut and Maria Shivercrank who are a ‘new thing’ and not aware that anything exists outside their circle of bliss.
Ally– *swivels* Hello there. Welcome to Mars.
Ally– Gosh, you sound sorta funny. Did someone leave you in the sun?
Rex (stepping forward)- Hello, Miss, and welcome to Mars.
Vivi– Hello. Zat is a funny name for a town.
Vivi– Still funny. I vould keep better company.
Madison Main– (cooly) Well, don’t let us keep you.
Rex– Cool it, Madison. She’s our resident Ice-queen, Vivi, don’t let her scare you. Can I offer you anything?
Vivi– (Staring at Madison with her strange pink eyes) You do not look like a ‘Madison’. I vould call you something else. Maybe Peppette.
Madison– That’s not my name.
Vivi– Vhat care I what your name is? I vill be queen here.
Madison– I don’t believe freaks are eligible for that position.
Rex– Mad! What’s gotten into you!
Rex– You’re a troglodyte.
Kevbo– And you’re a tight-ass. Let them duke it out!
Ally Pertbottom– Oh, let’s not. Maddy, come over here. Let’s find out about our visitor before we start in on her. Maybe she’s a Kappa Peanut, too!
Rex– Yes, Vivi, why don’t you tell us a little about you? Where are you from, and what brings you to Mars? Any relatives nearby…?
Vivi– (Still staring pointedly at Madison) Vell, I am from ze rival company, and I have come to take over and melt you all down to chocolate. Ve vill liquidate your bodies for cacao, and sell you as Sixlets. A better vorld order.
Kevbo– Bitchin! This chick means business. My kinda lady.
Vivi– (ignoring Kev) You vould be first, I think… Peppette.
Madison– It’s Madison.
Vivi– Come here my vittle scotty dog, I vill fit for you a collar, and teach you to beg.
Rex– (clearing throat) Uh, ma’am. This here is a G-rated establishment. You can’t come in here and start talking like a kinky foreigner on a whim.
Vivi– And vhat about them? He is trying to crack her shell, right here in a public place.
Rex– Ma’am, you better watch your language. There are ladies present.
Vivi– (staring straight at Madison) Vhere?
Madison– Eat me, you artificially sweetened bitch.
Vivi– I vill, but not till you’ve learned a lesson.
Ally– (swings her camera out and clocks Vivi right in her pink round mug.) Hya! Take that!
Vivi falls backwards, and there is a loud cracking sound. Suddenly molten chocolate starts to flow from underneath the fallen pink candy, and fills the room. It keeps flowing and flowing, untill all the candies are struggling to swim.
Kevbo– I’m melting! I’m melting!
Ally– Shut up, Kev. We’re ALL melting!
Maria Shivercrank– Nicky! Baby!
Maria– Don’t ever leave me Nicky! I’m just a low-priced simulation of milk chocolate without you!
Nicky– Never! Not till the day I’m sugary pulp on a soccermom’s molar!
Madison- I think I’m gonna hurl.
Rex– Yeah, do we really hafta die to this dialogue?
Ally– Has it occurred to any of you that this whole scenario is illogical?
Kevbo– Has it occurred to you, Missy Pertbottom, that this is all your fuckin’ fault?
Ally– Com’ere and say that!
Kevbo– I would if I could swim!
Rex– *musing* she must have been some kind of alien M&M. No way a common candy-coated chocolate could excrete that way.
Kevbo– *wistfully* I bet she was a pistol in the sack.
Madison Main– You can all go to hell.
Ally– Who asked you, Peppette!
Madison– Take it back!
Ally– I’m so- rrrrgggurggle
Madison– Gurggle gurrgle
All the m&m’s– Gurgggle gurggle gurrgle *die*
The End… I guess. Whatever.