TMI

This is one of those honest posts. I’m venting. But it’s on a rather personal subject, and though not graphic, please skip it if sexual content makes you uncomfortable.

Do you ever like, really need a little alone time for tension relief, and suddenly the most unsexy circumstances in the world start to happen, boom, boom, boom, not once but each and every time for days on end, whenever you’re about to take the edge off?

By unsexy, I mean really unsexy. I mean like old, freakishly holy jehovah witnesses showing up, intent upon describing the pathway to salvation and talking in their moist, holy, aged voices on your porch (why are they still there? why did I leave the window open?) while you’re trying to hunker down nude out of sight of the windows, cus you were indulging in the freedom of thinking you actually had a few hours glorious time to yourself to frolic.

I mean like being in the privacy of your own bed in the morning, almost there, and all of a sudden some fat-bastard fly seems to *appear* in the room, out of thin air, and is buzzing over your head, and it’s just such an ugly stupid thing, and who the fuck can get off with a big, ugly fly zipping across the airspace over their face?

I mean like, even in the deep, dark, dead of the night when you’re just trying for a sneaky little quickie orgasm, and suddenly you hear an otherworldly groan, and realize that your room-mates husband is using *your* bathroom. That he seems to be getting sick in there. And there’s a good chance he’s in the hall bathroom because he’s already plugged the other one.

Seriously. I’ll probly never be able to get horny like, ever again.

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14 thoughts on “TMI

  1. What? These nice people are saving you God-only-knows how much time in Purgatory and you’re not eternally grateful??? I think you need to consult your Catechism, young lady, then spend some time in deep contemplation of your [[[shudder]]] *sins* [[[double-shudder with an extra ga-shinta thrown in for good measure]]]. I have a good mind to whack you on the knuckles with my ruler!

    (This message has been astro-projected through our faithful servant, Boberly of Moberly)

    Sincerely,
    The Order of Caramel Carmelite Sisters of Saint Swithens

  2. Seriously, you harm that fly and much as I’d hate to do it, I’d be forced to call PETA. I mean it! Maybe if you’d fix him a nice… well, never mind.

  3. “I’ll probly never be able to get horny like, ever again.” Lucky you. I can’t tell you how many times I have truely begged for the strength just to chop the thing off. But alas I do not have it. It annoys and hassles and is very sneaky at times when I ignore it, it starts to sneak out in odd and scarey ways, so I resort to the remedy of which you speak, but alas this is only temporary because the longing is actually for some soft and warm other, agagagagagagag,

  4. Hilarious, totally and utterly hilarious, not for you, no, but for me reading. The fly one, that is so me……the problem with doing it by yourself is that it is never ever satisfying because it’s by yourself, but it’s better than, well…..

  5. LOL! Okay, you gave me the laugh of the day! It’s a good thing I read this with an empty bladder or things would be uncomfortable at the moment!

  6. LOL! It’s funny because I can well relate. It’s usually the Mormons here. But we get our share of Jehova’s Witness’s too. It’s hard to tell them apart.

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