I shouldn’t have clicked on that link. Dammit. I knew it couldn’t end in any good-
‘Actor Tony Curtis looks a far cry from his movie idol days‘
Such a snide title could surely lead to nothing but hurt. Still, I had to check. I had to ‘see’… that most horrid of human impulses, the train-wreck syndrome. The reason certain poker players among us can’t play a decent game of 7 card stud.
I loved Tony Curtis, with the stupid, adolescent passion of a girl who doesn’t understand Operation Petticoat was filmed 30 years before her time. I loved him throughout many viewings of The Great Race, even though his name was ‘Lesley’, and he kept kissing *that woman*. I loved him with the absolute dedication that could even forgive the overtly uncomfortable homo-erotic man bath with Olivier in Spartacus.
But can I love him old? Can I love him bald?
I’m afraid I’m heartbroken. Somewhere along the fraught avenues of evening television, I saw my darling Tony in a cameo appearance on a t.v. show…was it WIll & Grace? Obviously aged and… in this case… dressed like a woman. But there was still that aura about him, that arched eyebrow confidence that allowed me to forget the incident, write it off if you will. I turned my attention to another retro passion, Michael Douglas at his peak: ‘Basic Instinct’, ‘Romancing the Stone’. (I am happiest when in love with a time-warp.)
But then that awful article on yahoo buzz. Did they have to? Did they have to rub my aged idol in my face? That isn’t Tony. I won’t believe it’s true. Oh God, it is you, it really is you! *wah!*
The Man Bath: