That mean ol’ mister: Change

Every now and again there is a flurry.

Changes… changes everywhere. Many lives at once seem suddenly to be at the pivotal point; there will be a flurry of deaths, births, occupation alterations. Maybe crisis. Maybe love.

It happens here, too. In blog-land. Suddenly, old friends seem to be packing up, moving to a new u.r.l, or quitting the blog gig altogether. Some ride it out with a brief hiatus. Others grit their teeth and pull through, trying to ignore the weird sensation of a survivor stayin’ behind in the electronic silhouette of a ghost town.

I’ve pulled up roots once before, deleting a blog with one simple push of a button. Since then, there have been instances where I briefly considered calling it quits. It takes time, this daily endeavor. Undoubtedly there are more self-rewarding ways to see time invested.

Maybe.

But I’ve decided to stick around at this address for several change flurries to come. My thoughts are comfortable here; and the community, familiar but changing, is a good one in my estimation.

It’s a little tough when people pack up their blogs and you know in your heart there’s no forwarding address. I get weirdly attached to familiar things, even things I don’t like very much. And when people quit their blogs, they usually really *go*, cus it’s about more than just time. For some it’s time to move on from a whole stage of life. There won’t be room in the new identity to send small, perfectly formed spirals of irrelevant thought across the distance to mere strangers.

For my part, the time investment is worthwhile. Because my mind.. it’s restless, and this blog is always open for me. Sometimes I need the act of deposit, the simple laying down of words. I travel here when my body is forced toward stillness. It’s how I break out of the pocket of a vacuum, when I can’t find air between my mattress and the stars. Who knew, huh? The little bit of nutsy that drives the writing impulse… probably I’m not the only one. Steady and persevering as any personality might be, there’s a need that drives the written word; sometimes a deep need.

So, for those who’ve gone away for a little while, the porch light’s shining, and your return is gently anticipated. For those who’ve gone and aren’t coming back, I remember reading you, I do. Your words still shape a little window into memory. And for those who’re weathering the changes with pictures and paragraphs, it’s awfully nice to read you and to know you’re still out there, somewhere, building fragile bridges out of words.

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17 thoughts on “That mean ol’ mister: Change

  1. It is a strange little endeavor isn’t it? You start writing for your little audience of one, expressing yourself for one reason or another, and then someone starts listening to you, and then another, and all those who never speak, and more and more you think about them when you write. Or at least I do.

    And it is an odd thing because once you write on a regular basis, daily, like you do, you are doing something like a job, where you might feel as though you have to meet expectations for content , and bizarrely enough no money is involved. And oddly too, one’s own expectations are more demanding than anyone reading.

    But I wonder as you do about the ones who have stopped. Like going to a coffeeshop and one of the familiar faces is no longer there, and you hope its nothing terrible. Yet like all things, life goes on. A little over a year ago I read a blog occasionally but that was the extent of my involvement and now its quite central to my life, and five years from now?

  2. Oh you put this so well! I started blogging to stay connected with distant friends, and at first it was just us. Then one of them opened up to join a blog ring and introduced us to other sites and well…the rest is history and I think I have more new friends now than old. And I love it. And yes it changes how I approach writing. Especially since I am not a writer at all – I’m an accountant!

    And yes, I miss those who walk away. Very much. And I wonder about them. I just cannot imagine bottling all this up again. Seems it would have to burst out somewhere.

  3. So nicely expressed. It’s their words, and it’s the comfort of knowing that there are others pouring words out, sharing bits of themselves. I’ve deleted blogs, I’ve abandoned blogs, I sometimes have no time for this, or just nothing to express, but for now it remains an outlet, and it is awfully nice knowing that you and others are reading, and it is awfully nice reading you.

  4. It’s how I break out of the pocket of a vacuum, when I can’t find air between my mattress and the stars

    Lovely, Amuirin……this post and the one below are shining examples of how good you are at writing (actually the whole blog is). Yes, I don’t like it when people up and disappear, it’s very disconcerting. Glad to hear you’re not going anywhere.

  5. “Sometimes I need the act of deposit, the simple laying down of words.”

    You just defined my blog, as well. Your abilities deserve a vast readership.

  6. This is lovely. No one I’ve gotten to know blogging yet has abandoned ship, but I’ve only been doing it since the summer. It must be a strange feeling. I do feel I wander from favorites to favorites at different times, that the blogs I check daily shift over time, often back and forth, like whatever group I choose for the moment have to balance each other out because I never have time for too many at once.

  7. Just so you don’t abandon us. We’ve grown accustomed to your—-face? No—-heart. Writing is not beautiful words; it is beautiful thoughts. That’s what sets you apart.

    This post hits me on so many levels. First I lost my first blogger. Like my friends who have died and are still in my address book, his blog is still on my blogroll –just in case he changes his mind. Do you ever think, “did the cops come in and abscond with his harddrive?” No. He had cute stuff.

    I said your posts hits on many levels. This is another. Real interest in our blogs seems to come from other bloggers. I have friends and family who check in and read from time to time, but they are strangly not as connected. Am I slipping down the rabbit hole of a virtual world? I don’t know, but I like the characters I find here. You guys rock.

  8. This pretty well sums up blogging, Amuirin – for me it is a place to put memories and ideas that might one day develop into something more substantial. Then I worry that it might become a substitute for something more substantial…

  9. aos- five years from now, maybe people will be blogging by halogram. No, I donno, but it’s kinda weird to think about it because blogging is still a sort of a new phenomenon. I think 4 years is the oldest blog I’ve ever heard about, and now so many people have one, millions and millions of people. I wonder if it will die out, a trend, or get stronger and then plateau. People will accumulate abandoned blogs as they lose the impulse.

    tpgoddess- I know what you mean about ‘bottling this all up again’, I don’t strictly blog as a diary, but it serves all these purposes now. To connect, to share with others, and to write down thoughts and feelings that stick in my head. I think it’s fascinating in a way, how you and aos say your blog has evolved. I think the feedback element *does* change, has to change what people choose to write about. It’s weird to like keep a diary with it’s own opinions. Every once in awhile I’ve seen that the feedback doesn’t gist with the writer. That can suck a little like, ‘even my own diary doesn’t get me!’ but more often the response gives perspective.

    lillipilli- To blog, or not to blog… either way, you’re a wonderful writer, you know.

    1poet4man- thank YOU for that.

    jo- ty. Disconcerting, oy. When I’m mad at a friend for leaving, I often pick a fight to make them stick around a little longer. That’s horribly immature, but I wonder if it’d work in blogland. Sad but true, people tend to focus more on the negative, and I know I like to have the last word. I guess if gingaTao really clears out we could try insulting him back to blogland. heh.

    Bob- You’re too kind. I shall now strut and act insufferable for the space of an afternoon.

    mad- Well…. I hate your shoes. (see comment to jo in order to interpret this reply)

    barbara- True story.

    TIV- ty, I know what you mean about the balancing things. Since my reading list got longer, it’s been necessary to prioritize too, figure out how to manage the reading. It is fascinating, kind of, which writers you’ll end up being attracted to for a phase. Sometimes it isn’t who you’d guess would speak to you.

    anhinga- aw… :) (I really said that aloud: “Aw…” ) Ty, you rock too. You’re right… some people here seem more invested. With any ‘real life’ people I share this with (and there have been very few) It could kind of go either way. I find my interest in another person’s blog increases if I read them over time, and get more context, (and like who they are). It’s almost hard to have that first interest sparked unless they have either wonderful skill with the word or an awesome sense of humor. Your skill with words drew me the first time I read your blog, and I remember I read like 4 or 5 the first day.

    Oscarandre- It’s a conundrum, isn’t it? After I blog I sometimes feel ‘satisfied’ writing wise. But you do have so much material on your blog, so many stories. You almost could compile it, pretty much ‘as is’ if you wanted to. I think you’re publishable.

  10. Pingback: Off hiatus « Bountiful Healing

  11. So true, this attachment you describe and then the always-there possibility that they’ll up and disappear. Well, if I ever shut down blogshop, I will send you a note 8) .

  12. I’m glad you’re here to stay. I enjoy reading you. I took a break because of a lot of mess going on in my life. Now I find it difficult to keep going. It doesn’t help that I have six blogs, either. I am trying to keep at least four of them active. I alternate days of writing on each.

    One day I will write a gazillion blog posts so that when I have nothing in me to write, I can open up my magic file and pull one out! One day.

  13. Thoughtful post on all the change that goes on in blogland. We found out today, a person on our blogroll is packing it in. There is always a kind of strange sense of loss when that happens. And a knowing that though we barely know each other in real life, we still move and inspire each other toward change. We have a voice. And sometimes, someone is listening. Though from the outside it can seem effortless, it takes so much energy to keep a blog going. And we are always reevaluating – to stay or to go. Change can be good.

  14. I wrote recently about this topic… yours is so much more poignant. I have a rather short blogroll and have only been doing this for about seven months but have lost three or four people who as QMonk said, have “packed it in.”

    I don’t know why I feel rather connected to them. I mean, i know none of the people on my blogroll in real life yet there IS a connection. There is some sort of intimacy we share in the disclosing of personal stories, thoughts, interpretations, poetry, pictures and the list goes on over the tiny streams of data the internet allows.

    I loved Aos’ take on it. I DID start with an audience of one… me. Then I had a listener and then two and now… (sorry i’m getting all verklempt now) I have y’all. I really like my little blog community.

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