And, speaking of monkeys

Look at this guy. Isn’t he creepy-ass? This little monkey, it was given to me by my ex. A running joke in my life has been that I dearly want a monkey. So my ex gave this to me along with a big, sappy story that his daughter very sweetly gave him the cherished monkey to give to me, because he couldn’t find one in the store. He said she’d had it and loved it since she was just a toddler. I was touched and I told him to put her on the phone that night, to thank her, but she wasn’t there, he said. Somehow my thank you never happened.


Later, when our relationship was falling apart, I mentioned the monkey and he was mystified. I said, ‘The one your daughter gave me. Remember? It was a big deal. You said she’d had the monkey since she was three years old.” He had no recollection of the monkey. So I showed it to him.

He still claimed that he’d never seen the monkey before in his life.


This may come as a shock, but (whispers:) I do believe he lied about the monkey. It was probably some awful thing his dog dragged home in its mouth, so he pawned it off on his gullible girlfriend and got her all gushy to boot. This was certainly not near as big a deal as some of my more cherished illusions about him that shattered at that time. But it’s kinda funny in a way. I used to feel like such a fool in regards to him, but now I rather feel that the fool in the situation was probably the one making up elaborate stories about dearly beloved monkeys. Perhaps I should be flattered that he put so much energy into constructing a false illusion for my benefit.

But it’s still a creepy monkey.

My creepy monkey. My very own.

I guess they said it right: Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.


15 thoughts on “And, speaking of monkeys

  1. I had an ex who used to fool me, too. And, like you, Amuirin, once I’d gotten over the shock of it, I came to see she was the bigger fool.

    It’s a strange world, but even so, there can be no rational justification for the existence of a monkey that looks like that monkey.

  2. That IS a creepy monkey. And quite an elaborate story to go with it. Even stranger that he said he’d never seen it in his life when you called him on it. Maybe you should treat yourself to the real deal and put this one to rest. Is it still a dream of yours?

  3. The story makes the monkey. I mean, I went back up to look at it again after I’d read the story of your boyfriend giving it to you and then later not being able to recall anything about the monkey, and I saw the monkey in a different light. Before it was more like one of those trolls, big eyes, wondrous, fuzzy. After it was almost like voo-doo monkey, creepy and almost spooky.

    Yet, I’ve completely forgotten events before. My husband will tell me, Remember when… and he’ll describe in detail something I did, which I have since completely forgotten. I’ll finally say, Yeah, vaguely I remember it, but in reality, I don’t!

  4. My reaction was similar to Ybonesy’s. The monkey became creepy after reading about it.

    It’s true, that saying about being careful what you wish for. And the oblique reference to The Monkey’s Paw was a good ending.

  5. Robin- I hadn’t read it before now. But my word, it does fit snugly in with this, doesn’t it? *shivers*

    Here’s the link if anyone wants to read.

    Ed & Teaspoon- Nope, not unless whoever created it thinks eskimos have long tails with tufts at the end. I’ve tried to make it stop, but that glass-eyed stare is like, eternal. ;)

    Paul – lol. Nope, no justification whatesoever

    QuoinMonkey- Nah, I don’t want a monkey, I’m sure they’d be a huge mess. Well,not usually. When I see those tiny little golden ones hopping around at the zoo, I get a hankering. But that’s normal, right?

    Don’t you guys ever want a monkey?

    ybonesy- yes, you’re right. In a certain frame of mind the thing is cute. I think it’s the cumulative effect of that glassy-eyed stare that makes him so damn creepy.

    And I’ve done that, too. Totally forgotten something that a family member will recall in detail, so I suppose he might have forgotten, but based on the way he sort of herded me away from thanking her, I think it was more likely all a fabrication.

  6. Damn, that is one creepy monkey. I have this horrible revenge fantasy running through my head: somehow sneaking into the ex’s bedroom and hiding that monkey some place totally unexpected where its creepy stare will scare the bejesus out of him. I know that’s so wrong, but, hey, the creepy monkey told me to do it!

  7. On second examination, the bits of black thread coming out the side of its mouth add to the horror. It makes it looked like it’s just fed on another stuffed monkey.

  8. Monkeys scare me almost as much as chickens. I really want to eat one, to get the upper hand.

    That monkey is very creepy. It’s eyes are portals to the abyss. I hope you cover it with a sheet when you’re sleeping.

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