And so it goes

I’ve fallen into a busy cycle and blogging has gone on the back-burner. It probably will for a few days more. I’ll be finding some time to catch up on reading in the evenings, so keep being creative and prolific you writery people. (Naturally you wait on my precious attention to go forward with your artistic pursuits… yeah? No? You’re kidding.)

I’m only half busy, the daylight half. At night I…

You know I find it somehow simpler to share misery than happiness. That’s surely a warped impulse, but it’s true. I can open up my misery and let people walk around in it; twist it and polish it and make it presentable. But I guard my happiness jealously, maybe out of fear of that old, evil eye. Maybe because there’s an aspect to happiness that makes me shy. Too often soaring joy has dropped suddenly from the cloud castles of my imaginings and become a lead bullet that doesn’t just burst my bubble; it poisons the ground water.

See Spot Run. Run Spot, run. See girl wax metaphorical.

This is what I’m talkin’ about…it’s easier to wrap happiness in gentle layers of obfuscation.

So I’ve got less to reveal on the personal side of the aisle; I’ll share some recent musings, and you can draw clues from their tenor if you feel so inclined.

Can love last? And does it matter? Would knowing, one way or another make any difference?

Lately, I find it enough just to know that love is. That it’s real, former doubts not withstanding.

I’ve come to so many conclusions on love, most of which just proved what a fool I was in the first place. I begin to sense that it’s like wisdom; the only progress to be made is the understanding that you know nothing, absolutely nothing, and live accordingly.

Any effort to direct, to control, to fight or to make love stay or go are ultimately futile. Trying to work it into the shape that’s easiest & most convenient to you is also a lot of wasted pain and heartbreak. Love has been compared to a million things, but I’ll try again. Love is.. a benefactor. It has things to give you, things to show you, and things to teach. You can open up to that or fight against it. You can take it as it comes, or demand that love give you what you’ve decided signifies love: Control, material things, sex, etc.

People say love is destructive; I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think the way love manifests itself in human nature can be very destructive. They say love hurts. I think love hurts when it goes away, or when we push it away till it leaves.

But I know nothing.

There is a song by Billy Joel called ‘And So it Goes’. It always stops me.

In the words of this song, he talks about a secret place inside, a sanctuary from the world and the hurts of past loves. In this song, he is inviting a woman inside. He invites her knowing full well that in all likelihood she will completely destroy the interior. “And you can have this heart to break.”

This has come to be how I view love. Likely it will leave you pained and broken, after shocking your mind full of a world you never imagined, and turning all your preconceived notions on their head. But sometimes, you meet someone and… you open up to it anyway-

because it is completely and entirely worth it.


16 thoughts on “And so it goes

  1. I think this is one of my favorite posts. Love is all of those things and more.

    Can it last? I’d like to think so. I’ve been madly in love with the same man for over 32 years. I can’t speak for him, but he appears to feel the same way about me. As long as I trust that’s true, it’s true.

    Trust is the hard part for me. Probably for most people.

    I hasn’t all been joy and roses, of course. Lots of up and downs on this ride of love. But the really cool part is that we somehow come back around to where it’s more like what people describe as a love affair rather than marriage (it’s too bad that marriage gets such a bad rap in that regard). Perhaps the best way to put it is this: Every day we fall in love with each other all over again. It took a while to learn how to do it, but we finally did learn it.

    It’s cool. :)

  2. I agree with Robin’s first two paragraphs. (I didn’t watch the video though — if you tell me you made it yourself, I’ll come back and watch it. Otherwise, probably not).

    She may be right about the third. I haven’t found trusting my sweetie to be hard at all. I don’t think she’s found trusting me to be hard either. Trusting her seems like the most natural thing in the world to me.

    I suppose it hasn’t been all joy and roses. There certainly have been some tears shed. Losses of parents and other relatives have hit us hard. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t had a young friend to cuddle and imagine the future with when those things happened. It is strange that the future we imagined isn’t at all like what we have. What we have is better. It is real.

  3. know I find it somehow simpler to share misery than happiness.

    I can relate to this. If I were to write of the magical powers of scented colored pencils delivered to my door it would seem selfish and as if I’m bragging about the fact that I have someone who finds me nice enough to send me scented colored pencils that I mentioned would be really awesome. Strangely enough our thoughts are working parallel to one another as of late.

    Do you happen to be an Aries?

  4. Bibliomom- Aquarius, actually. My brother’s an Aries. Someone sent you scented color pencils? That is really sweet. Is there a blueberry one?

    Mr.Hand- You know you’ve been really incredibly lucky in your romantic life, right? Your romantic felicity is awesome, but very, very few people have it that good and find who they want to marry in highschool. Most of us get hurt horribly a few times before finding the right one. Some of us are still looking. It’s wonderful that your path was simpler. For years, my love life was terribly complicated and often hurtful, despite making careful, cautious choices and waiting to be sure and all that good stuff yer supposed to do. I imagine most people would find it harder to trust than you would. It makes sense, since most people have been hurt more often.

    Robin- I’m glad to see you back! Read that you had some extreme hiking adventures. ‘Joy and roses’ fit in exactly with your post today. This is so true: ‘As long as I trust that its true, it’s true’. Doubt and second guessing really gets in the way of the fun stuff.

  5. I think love lasts, but it’s also hard to find. I’ve run into a lot of lust, and that doesn’t last at all. And it’s so easy to confuse the two. They’re almost identical at first.

    My love for my husband has lasted. Not that it hasn’t been misplaced for spells at a time. Or been buried by rage or disappointment, which, fortunately, never last.

    Think about your love for your daughter. It lasts. That’s love. Whether for a child or a friend or a partner. Love is love. (And now I’m reminded of an argument I used to have when I was in my early 20s with an acquaintance who said, The love of “being in love” is different than “love.” Phooey to that, I said and still do.

  6. How things end are never a measure of their worth. Life ends. Great meals end. Beautiful days and sunsets end.

    Its kind of like the final decision in Eternal Sunshine. Even knowing how things will unfold, and that pain is on the way doesn’t mean it wasn’t the best thing in the world.

  7. I’d have to agree that it is completely worth it. I think love is destructive and it hurts … when things are done INTENTIONALLY and WITHOUT REGARD FOR THE OTHER’S FEELINGS. If it is accidental then it isn’t bad. Both will grow from it. It’s the hurting intentionally that pulls the rug out from people and makes those breaks difficult or impossivle to heal.

  8. I’d have to say that if love is destructive, it’s something else masquerading as love.

    I think the reason why it’s so much easier to share misery than happiness is the simple fact that when misery passes, we look back on what we said about it and we’re glad it’s gone. When happiness passes, the emotions upon looking back are much, much more painful and complicated. Perhaps we remember the joy of the moment when we waxed lyrical; perhaps we feel like fools, perhaps we are consumed with regret.

    Or perhaps to write too specifically of happiness is simply insensitive, like pinning a butterfly to a card, or cutting a rose to keep in the house. Someone of your instinctive delicacy would avoid that mistake, I think.

  9. I agree with you about keeping your happiness secret. I never say anything unless something is signed, sealed, and delivered, lest I look an idiot.

    I spent many years in fear of opening up. I finally did knowing it would blow up. It did, but for a while it was damn near perfect. You have to live in those perfect moments and forget the rest.

  10. Yes, everything you said about love, Amuirin. And what AOS said in his comment. And Stevo, about living in the perfect moments and forgetting the rest. I’m sending someone to read all of this.

  11. aos- life ends? Nooo.. I was always taught we just go join Elvis in that beach party in the sky.

    I gotta see that movie, it seems to have made a big impression (eternal sunshine)

    ybonesy- You’re right, love for my daughter lasts. I probably shouldn’t open up this can of worms, but why is fierce, sacrificial love for one’s offspring so universal? Do you think love can start from biological instinct?

    You’re right about the lust thing.

    Corina- yeah… I’d hazard a guess that intentionally hurting another hardly ever comes out of love, but maybe selfishness or fear. I’m tryin to think back on my experiences, and the hardest one to heal was probly the first. I don’t think he hurt me intentionally- I think he just didn’t know how to handle the emotions we were dealing with. So it was nearly as destructive as intentional unkindness would have been.

    david- similar thought. instinctive delicacy? Woah. Now i’ll be walkin’ with a swagger.

    stevo- Yes! Beautifully put.

    bibliomom- It worked! Those are awesome *and* environmentally friendly, according to what it says on the site. I see scented christmas presents in the near future.

    pmousse- I hope he gets from it what you want him to see.

  12. Hey Amuirin, they aren’t colored but they do smell. I guess I just assumed that they would be colored and smell good but I’ll use them anyway. When a cute boy sends you a sweet gift like that. You have to use them!

  13. Stevo said “You have to live in those perfect moments and forget the rest.”

    What does it say when you cannot remember perfect moments? when what has happened between any happy times and now has been permanently stained with ugliness?

  14. Corina- I think it means… that *you* need to have some wonderful, some excellent moments to wash that ugliness away. Those stains aren’t permanent, I know they don’t come out with scrubbing, but time and the eventual strength to look forward instead of back will make that ugliness a mere memory that can’t hurt anymore. Your perfect moments are likely yet to come.

    bibliomom- ooo, yes, if a cute boy sent them- I would have thought colored, too.

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