I’ve fallen into a busy cycle and blogging has gone on the back-burner. It probably will for a few days more. I’ll be finding some time to catch up on reading in the evenings, so keep being creative and prolific you writery people. (Naturally you wait on my precious attention to go forward with your artistic pursuits… yeah? No? You’re kidding.)
I’m only half busy, the daylight half. At night I…
You know I find it somehow simpler to share misery than happiness. That’s surely a warped impulse, but it’s true. I can open up my misery and let people walk around in it; twist it and polish it and make it presentable. But I guard my happiness jealously, maybe out of fear of that old, evil eye. Maybe because there’s an aspect to happiness that makes me shy. Too often soaring joy has dropped suddenly from the cloud castles of my imaginings and become a lead bullet that doesn’t just burst my bubble; it poisons the ground water.
See Spot Run. Run Spot, run. See girl wax metaphorical.
This is what I’m talkin’ about…it’s easier to wrap happiness in gentle layers of obfuscation.
So I’ve got less to reveal on the personal side of the aisle; I’ll share some recent musings, and you can draw clues from their tenor if you feel so inclined.
Can love last? And does it matter? Would knowing, one way or another make any difference?
Lately, I find it enough just to know that love is. That it’s real, former doubts not withstanding.
I’ve come to so many conclusions on love, most of which just proved what a fool I was in the first place. I begin to sense that it’s like wisdom; the only progress to be made is the understanding that you know nothing, absolutely nothing, and live accordingly.
Any effort to direct, to control, to fight or to make love stay or go are ultimately futile. Trying to work it into the shape that’s easiest & most convenient to you is also a lot of wasted pain and heartbreak. Love has been compared to a million things, but I’ll try again. Love is.. a benefactor. It has things to give you, things to show you, and things to teach. You can open up to that or fight against it. You can take it as it comes, or demand that love give you what you’ve decided signifies love: Control, material things, sex, etc.
People say love is destructive; I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think the way love manifests itself in human nature can be very destructive. They say love hurts. I think love hurts when it goes away, or when we push it away till it leaves.
But I know nothing.
There is a song by Billy Joel called ‘And So it Goes’. It always stops me.
In the words of this song, he talks about a secret place inside, a sanctuary from the world and the hurts of past loves. In this song, he is inviting a woman inside. He invites her knowing full well that in all likelihood she will completely destroy the interior. “And you can have this heart to break.”
This has come to be how I view love. Likely it will leave you pained and broken, after shocking your mind full of a world you never imagined, and turning all your preconceived notions on their head. But sometimes, you meet someone and… you open up to it anyway-
because it is completely and entirely worth it.