Angel of Ambivalence

My super hero has a slightly androgynous feel, (but as you know, female super heroes always have a terrific rack. It’s like a super-hero-girl academy requirement.) This being fantasy and all, here’s what I’d look like if I were a super hero:

I call myself ‘Angel of Ambivalence’, to cover up the fact that my parents back on Zecro 7 named me Myrtle. My useful hero ability, other than the ability to shrug and feel defensive apathy in the face of all the world’s ills, is the super useful power to snap my fingers and be anywhere I want to, instantaneously.

Before I met my moralistic mentor, Billy Graham-man, I used this super-power to crash the dressing rooms of my favorite rock stars moments before concert time. I’ve had every member of Metallica and Everclear sign my bosoms.

However, Billy and his homeland security pals convinced me that it would be in the best interest of all man kind if I used my super power to spy on possible terrorists and mormons at their super secret headquarters. Most of their itended targets turned out to be extremely boring, non-terrifying sorts who talked about baseball and their favorite brand of laundry soap, but the mormons were scary as hell.

I arrived on Earth at age 20 after an accident involving a Zecron microwave, three pilfered marshmallows and a rooster named Larry. My sidekick was an intelligent cat named Podchawk 1, but now i have an unintelligent sidekick named Podchawk 41. The other 39 Podchawks died the same way Podchawk 1 did. I keep forgetting my fuzzy friends can’t snap-n-go like me, and their mortal coils sever in transport.

Despite my general ambivalence, this mishap never fails to make me sad.

I hafta go transport myself into a P.T.A meeting now. After this district’s decision to allow Harry Potter books in the school library, Billy Graham-man is convinced this meeting is a front for a coven of powerful, non-worship attending witches. I don’t really care one way or another, but there will probably be cookies.

Angel Away!


(this post was designed to fulfill jaynova’s meme, which was masterminded here)

6 thoughts on “Angel of Ambivalence

  1. Pingback: What Super Power Would You Want: Teleportation « The Most High and Holy Church of Jaynova

  2. Billy Graham-man is convinced this meeting is a front for a coven of powerful, non-worship attending witches.

    The Angel of Ambivalence ought to attend in a tall, black, peaked hat.

  3. Mormons!! LOL!!!

    The Mormons are my nemesis. Nemesii? Nemesises?

    It’s been a long week.

    They drove me slightly batty over laundry when we were living in Sabbaticalville.

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