Hook-ups from Hell

Last Friday I played God, but did so in a benign and sensitive way, giving careful thought to who among my blog buddies might enjoy eachother’s company.

Today I decided to be more realistic. Blind dates hardly ever go well, and they aren’t meant to. A good blind date is meant to provide the participant with a horror story they can use to break the ice on other blind dates.

So I’ve composed some hookups that are sweetly ludicrous, for your Friday Fun.

Paul S. found this place. I’m setting up Slothboy and Robin who are open minded, thoughtful and compassionate with this site, ‘Republican faith‘, because opposites attract and this site could never be accused of being any of those things. (I’m not sure if Paul ever figured out if these writer’s were kidding… I sure hope they are.)

Bibliomom, I have faith that you can tackle Misanthropy Today. Andyfoxx is funny and abrasive and not very, um, nice. Bring your pepper spray along. Take Handward with you as the designated driver.

I’m setting myself up with last chance dinner club, because I’m trying to get fit and healthy, and this site is full of gorgeous, beautiful food ideas. The front page post, in fact, is titled ‘Butter Chicken’.

Ombudsben, because I have such faith in your sense of humor, I’m setting you up with I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER? I can think of nothing less intellectual than retarded, talking kittens.

Finally, I found a site that has no redeeming value whatsoever; a site so repulsive, I didn’t want to hook any of you up with it, even as a joke. But if someone out there has a particularly evil ex that blogs, you can send them here to waste some precious moments of their lives that they’ll never get back. ‘Ask an A-hole‘.

Enjoy your friday! I’m headed to a seething den of shysters and money-changers. Ciaou.

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28 thoughts on “Hook-ups from Hell

  1. His post on why ugly girls have no personality is hilarious. See yet another successful match from you my dear. Hey… if I have someone in mind that I want you to “hook me up with” are you willing to do it? ;)

  2. Slothboy- Yep, I read through the first page, and it’s got to be satire. Right? Right?

    *still uncertain*

    handward- I wish you weren’t so busy, too.

    bibliomom- Hmm. I’m afraid you’ve tipped your hat for my friend, Mr. Knightley. While I can’t flaw your tastes, I’m afraid he’s all wrong for you. Set in his ways. Cantankerous. Yeah… Definitely not good for someone of your sensitive nature and nurturing intellect.

    Might I interest you in an 800lb Gorilla?

    ;)

  3. I’m not nice eh? Actually I think the blog was about hot babes who don’t have good personlities, but it did touch on ugly babes with bad personalities too.

    Anyhow, thanks for the hookup. I only wish that I could offer bibliomom the lifestyle she so richly deserves. Alas, I am on a journey to find my inner man, and at this time I would only bring burden and heartbreak to her gentle existence.

    When I am ready… and only then, I hope I will have the great privilege to find a woman of her caliber.

    Note: The above comment underwent slight editorial changes by the author of this blog.

  4. It’s pretty ficking impossible for me to believe that my site has NO redeeming qualities. I see what I do a s a public service to help people cope with the many a-holes that pop up unwelcome like a pimple on the face of a bride on her wedding day.

  5. nahole- Mmm. A public service, eh.

    Well, as I understand it, with shock sites any press is good press and my blurb made your site the top click here for the last 12 hours, so go figure.

  6. In all honestly Amuirin. After going there I realized that my ex isn’t the most prolific user of the F word and so that’s a bit of a public service of sorts. So I’ll try the 800 lb Gorilla but I’m starting to feel like I’m speed dating here.

  7. I LOVE your site A-Hole! Every moment of my life that is taken up on your site, I wish I could have 10 more moments like it; if someone asked me: “would you like to read A-Hole’s site every day, for the rest of your life?”, I’d say, “a thousand times YES!” :-). It’s funny, on the surface, your posts might seem like a barrage of “fuck, cock, asshole and douche-bag”, but underneath it all, talk about some everyday wisdom and “hell ya!” lines of enlightenment! (and besides, your “turret’s”-like use of profanity is pretty damn funny to me!)

    You can definitely put me in the box of “reader for life”…I’m not sure what that makes me, if this blog has been suggested as punishment for jerk-off exes, but considering I’m a damn good writer with a pretty kick-ass blog, I’d say I know what I’m doing when I read it. I just happen to damn-well like it! :-)

    To each his own as always, so rock on “Stop and Wander” dude, and rock on A-Hole.

    :-)

  8. romi- I applaud you for taking a stand on this issue with both feet.

    Perhaps I’ve been remiss in my reading. If enlightenment can be gleaned from an in-depth exploration of the assholiness of Shittany Spears, then surely that A-hole is a genius.

  9. Romi – if you could fucking see me now you’d see that I look like a fucking velvet painting of a clown with a fucking tear rolling down my cheek. Your words are like fucking honey that sweeten even the most bitter moments.

  10. You know amuirin, I do use my site for send out positive fucking messages – at least I try to. I mean shit, why the fuck do people spend so much time thinking about and caring about fucking shitty celebrities? I’ve writing – in my own inimitable fucking style – that this reality TV/celebrity culture we live in is just a 21st century example of bread and circus to distract people from the real issues at hand.

  11. A-Hole: if you hadn’t said that the clown painting was velvet, I wouldn’t have felt as special; and also, did you seriously just reference the whole “bread and circus” thing from Ancient Rome, that was supposed to distract Ancient Roman peasants from their miserable lives and the true ills of society, so that the powers that be could keep livin’ it up?

    WOW, an enlightened A-Hole indeed…

    Amuirin: I actually just read your post in detail for the first time; seems kind of funny…I think we should really set up a blog-dating forum, LOL

  12. On the subject of drawing interest to a site, amuirin…I’m written my thing for the meme and saved it as a draft, but as we are the only 2 participating, do you want to suggest the meme to your readers and post the results next sunday? If not, I’ll put me response on my site today…

  13. romi41- Heh, I had a similar idea. I was thinking I’d hang up my matchmaker cloak and quit forever, or else make this a regular thing.

    Give match.com a run for their money.

    jaynova- that’s a good idea. I kinda wanted to make a picture, so it gives me more time, too.

    Saturday ok? Got the music compilations on Sunday.

  14. I love the banter back and forth here, and A-hole, you are definitely my favourite. I’m not sure if I could elicit the same velvet-clown painting tear as Romi. However, you have definitely improved my daily routine. I can’t remember what my 9 to 5 was like before Ask Nahole. So much wisdom, so much necessary cursing. How else to describe Starfucks? For the passive aggressive “Alas, I do not care” amuirin, I would recommend passiveaggressivenotes.com

  15. I’m still on the road (hoping to get home today) and have to thank you for that hook-up. Without it, I wouldn’t have learned this valuable piece of information:

    “…not all lesbians look like truck driving diesel stomping dykes! Not all lesbians have crew cuts or flannel shirts…most do but not all.”

    Just think. I might run into a lesbian and not even know it!

    I’m with Slothboy on this one. I truly hope it’s all a joke. It has to be. Right??

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