It’s a weird day. Ever feel like you just came out of a time warp, or a worm-hole, or some other dimension you have no knowledge of, except that the atoms in your atmosphere seem to have shifted since last you were here?
Okay, just me then.
I have read or heard this somewhere before, “I feel taken apart and put back together again, differently.”
I was going to delete my last post because it’s a bummer, and it’s more personal than I’d like to be. But that’s a little disingenuous isn’t it? Sometimes life gets personal. I find it difficult to write about much of anything when a strong emotion is filling me up. That might be a clue as to what is right and wrong in my writing, and oh… hey …in my life, too.
Emotions hold sway over me.
They do, the little bastards; and those emotions can change so darn fast. It’s kind of amazing to be able to leave a lasting impression of a momentary feeling, but it can also be somehow irresponsible.
Mastery of the emotions is key to mastery of anything. The ability to control your feelings is like the fundamental building block of discipline. It gives society a leg-up too; otherwise we’d all be going postal, lobbing frying pans at our spouses, and dancing in the highway. (This would be bad, but wouldn’t it be kind of cool to witness for an hour or so?) In order to learn new things, in order to follow a course of action, a person has to weather the feasts and famines of their heart.
My emotions still overwhelm me, particularly in writing. I do get taken over. Sometimes and only sometimes I can do more than just react to strong emotions.
This said, I don’t believe people should become robots, nor do I champion ‘reason’ over the heart. With few exceptions, people who claim to use their head instead of their heart are oozing horse pucky out of every stinking pore. As a basic rule, people do what they want and rationalize it afterwards. We aren’t rational beings; we’re rationalizing beings.
But is it possible to find a way not to react instantly to every strong feeling as it arrives? Can I find a way to contain emotion and give introspection a chance to work things out (like occasionally vetoing the knee-jerk response)? That seems like an attainable level of mastery over my heart.
I’ve read somewhere that wisdom is often what you don’t say; power is often what you don’t do. The ability to consider instead of react is a power and wisdom I’ve yet to attain.
Maybe I’ll never be able to control the power of my feelings, but recognizing the control they have over me is surely the first step.