The good stuff

I’m on a journey.

Holy hell, my blog is repetitive.

Still. As I’ve said before, it’s easier to write about the bad emotions. I guard my happiness like a junkie guards their crack…

However. However- On the one hand, I’d urge you to discount what you read here, in great part. This place has never been a balanced representation of life. More like strong emotions, occasional rants, and home-brand goofiness. I told somebody once, this isn’t a diary- it’s an art project. I put stuff here, and let it go. Release it into the world. Anais Nin got hold of the title first, but ‘Little Birds’ would be an apt title for it.

On the other hand, it’s more real than reality sometimes. This blog, while not a balanced depiction of a life, does embody honesty. Sometimes huge, scary honesty, and I’m comfortable putting it down here. Even knowing some of the more hostile eyes that rake it over, I’m comfortable being me here.

I need melancholy sometimes. Expressing that here is easier than anywhere else. Happiness? Not so much.

And yet-

Here I go, because, in spite of what keeps happening on the page, I want to say for his sake among other things, I have a really splendid friend right now. A really solid, awesome human being willing to patiently ride out some of the shit I’m grappling with.

And I’m grappling. It’s a more structured process of grappling then has been in the past, but I think the struggle’s been going on a long time, and now I’m trying to confront it. Not comfortable, no. Emotions have always tended to have their way with me, and now I feel sometimes as if my emotions and I are circling each other like wolves.

It won’t be *fun*, sometimes. I feel the need to lower any expectations now, cus I’m going in, and I need to write. I really need to write. But I’m not expecting you to read it.

More though, -

I’m grateful to you, this community. A year has passed now, I don’t know where and how I met some of you, and I’m vague on some of the others. It isn’t really cool to express a particular attachment for an online community, but I’m fairly attached. I think I have met some of the most… awesome people, accidentally. I mean- I’ve seen a lot of online communities; I’ve participated in a few. Some of them are based on damage. Some of them are just very typical, there are fights, some betrayal, lots of gossip.

But that doesn’t happen here. There’s a certain… solidity, a grace and a great deal of creativity and intelligence that converge in this space, and the many spaces connected to it. I think I got really lucky with the people I met on here, and I’m really glad a lot of you know each other, that there’s some interconnectedness, because it makes me feel that this particular circle will last for a while to come.

And it’s a damn good circle.

So thank you for reading. Thank *you* over there, the guy who keeps my dance card full, and thank you Robin, Stevo, Bob, Jo, imtayopay, Molo, Slothboy, Aefiel, Anhinga, David, Gingatao, Bo, Ybonesy, Norm, Jules, LB, Ron and tgpgoddess for being the bread and butter, the smiles and the essential element of perspective I’ve had to fall back on in this online endeavor.

And thanks to my newer acquaintances, too.

Y’all pretty much rock.

Totally.

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