P.O.V.- Asleep in the Nuthouse

Elinore’s Visit

“Write.” they said. But I hardly ever do-

And so she got me started, slashing her left wrist and then her right. “Paper dolls bleed dreams.” she intoned, and then I awoke, looking for Elinore among the bed covers.

I ripper her up when I was five, maybe six years old.

Maybe I dreamed it. But of course I did! Still, it felt as though she were here, in this room, and more- that she had fallen on hard luck. She had become one of those women that men roll down their windows for.

I understood this from the delicate shirrings of paper fishnet stockings, and from the dropped shoulders of the magenta sweater she was wearing, just a little too tight and noticeably designed on recycled paper.

I understood that it was my fault, somehow; that as a child I had disappointed the aspirations of too many toys. Elinore’s whole future had been consecrated into one act that left scars, jagged and curling across the flimsy sheafs of doll time. There was no refuting this. These were dead years that I had stolen away with the unconcern of children.

I raised my hand in sleep to protest, and found the list gripped between my thumb and forefinger. It was a doll’s list of my dreams and accomplishments, printed in a faint, jagged penmanship. I am reading it now, with a mixture of admiration and unrest; admiration at the extraordinary person I’d become, and uneasiness at the malicious slash which each item was checked off with. The red marks are like scowls leering up at me from the page. Was that Elinore’s doing? I can’t believe a toy would go to such an effort. I can’t believe any of this! I am locked in sleep still, alone with my relentless dissatisfaction in a marvelous future.

1. Become an orphan (check)
2. Hunt a rhino (check)
3. Kiss a prince (check)
4. Master the fine art of Buon Fresco (check)
5. Learn eleven languages including three dead dialects (check)
6. Wrestle the giant squid (check)
7. Climb Kilimanjaro (check)
8. Teach a monkey to dance (check)
9. Teach a man to put the lid down (No go)
10. Pioneer quantum dating (check)
11. Walk on the moon (check)
12. Marry a poet (check)
13. Divorce a poet (check)
14. Have post-marital sex with a poet (check)
15. Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef (check)
16. Write a small book of poems entitled “Farting Sideways” (check)
17. Get panned in the New York Times Book Review (check)
18. Donate six million dollars to the Hernia Research Fund (check)
19. Attempt to drown self in children’s pool at YMCA (No go)
20. Remove own tonsils on a park bench in central Los Angeles (check)
22. Marry an ex-dutch circus clown. (check)
23. Die screaming in bed. (che-

11 thoughts on “P.O.V.- Asleep in the Nuthouse

  1. i don’t know why but what freaks me out the most by all of this is the number 23

    why 23?

    it is like when i saw the number 23 a great wave of anxiety fell over me

    all Elinore’s doing i am sure,
    god that scares me

    i’m sweaty, and it smells of an iron penny
    that type of anxiety

    i feel like i am getting sick
    mouth dry
    ready to vomit

    i’m sure Elinore is happy, with here little ways of doing just that

    can you please, please, please, do me a favor, and let me know when Elinore is wiped from the face of this earth? i will certainly sleep better when this happens. until then please keep me updated on Elinore’s where abouts, it seems all the Elinore’s of the world are after me, bad. and the last thing i need is Elinore standing on my chest when i wake from a dream, dressed in red

    Elinore, i hate you

    23.

    …fuck!

  2. Great list! Though someday I am going to rant about the whole lid thing. Actually why not right now.

    1.Do you mean the lid or that thing one sits on. You see, unless you have a dog, in which case the lid should always be down because the thought of the greeting right after slurping down there is queasifying, why not lid up so you can sit down without that lifting.
    2. If the man urinates more often than the woman then all other things being equal, all things should be up. If there are certain kinds of men around, you really might consider leaving all things up all the time because they don’t seem to have either the brains or the class to hit without spatter, and there are few things more annoying than having to clean the seat before you use it. One of the reasons I do not trust little boys (and whoever “trained” them).
    3. Anyone who sits down on a toilet without looking first deserves whatever happens.

    And you know I’m sure I quantum dated. Was going out with her but wasn’t, you know?

  3. The “lid” is a non-issue in China. The people that have western toilets are non-plussed by the simple act of raising or lowering a seat. A pleasant change from a previous life.

    amuirin: That was a little creepy, I cringed while LingOL. I loved the line, “Paper dolls bleed dreams.” That will be the inspiration for my next blog.

  4. it was really good, one of the better writings put together i think. sorry for going on some wild tangent, i typed the reply minutes before falling asleep. but it was a good release before that, and the lights went out. so thanks again for letting me just type, of course it is without a doubt that my attempt at a reply might have come off as jumping in, but really, it was just a comment, and a reaction from your writing that day.

    i want to make that clear as a commenter here, thanks

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